The world does not treat you the way you treat others. The world treats you the way that you treat yourself. Life brings you the people and the situations that will hold up a mirror and reflect to you your inner world.
Whatever is missing in a relationship or situation, you are also not bringing to the table. For example, if you notice that your co-worker or boss is being disrespectful or taking advantage of you and you know for certain that you are always considerate and respectful towards others at the workplace, then ask yourself how you may not be practicing self-respect within this dynamic.
Perhaps you are always saying yes when it truly is not within your best interest to spread yourself so thin. Or maybe you are taking responsibility for circumstances that are not yours to take on. Maybe you work through lunch every day, never take breaks or burn the midnight oil and neglect yourself physically. Perfectionism, self-criticism and being hard on yourself mentally and emotionally are all forms of disrespect and self-neglect.
You teach others how to treat you, as they witness these choices and patterns of behavior. No one is ever going to make you a priority unless you learn how to make yourself a priority first. Otherwise people will think that you don’t care about being considered since you never seem to take yourself into consideration.
Kindness and being helpful do matter, but if you are not kind to yourself or not doing anything to help yourself out, you may find yourself wondering why people that you are nice to will often take advantage of you.
Practicing self-respect is a daily choice. Finding the courage to advocate for yourself, or setting a boundary by saying no to yet another request for your participation that would be an imposition for you or interfere with your plans, may seem foreign at first, but in time it will feel more natural.
Follow up these interactions with a kind and supportive self-talk. Tell yourself that it is okay to say no, it will eventually improve all of your relationships and it will bring positive outcomes. You will end up being treated better by others, because you are treating yourself better. Learning to let go of perfectionism by taming the inner critic and validating yourself is an important component in this process.
Displays of self-respect will eventually disappoint someone, they would no doubt prefer it when you made their life easier by your willingness to always take action. But you are not responsible for their feelings of disappointment or their push-back. Only they can be held accountable for how they react and feel about your choice to practice self-respect. And chances are they will get over it and they will take their mirror, move on to someone else who has not yet learned this concept of self-care and reflect that back to them, as this is how life works. What they think and how they behave is about them and not about you, as this concept applies to their own inner relationship with Self as well.
Taking better care of yourself at this level may be uncomfortable initially. Realizing that you want to be treated with respect and deserve to be treated respectfully is the first step. The next step is understanding that it starts within. Treat yourself better and life will do the same. When we take responsibility for what is missing in a relationship or situation and figure out how to bring it to the table, the world in turn will do the same.
You might also be interested in my Tips for Coping With Stress article.