The greatest thing you’ll ever learn is to love and be loved in return. We have heard this in the movies and songs. Pop culture is definitely on to something. But when holding on to a loving relationship is easier said than done; that’s not about learning how to love another human being. You are learning about loving yourself.
When a person goes from relationship to relationship with heartbreak, creating relationship patterns that don’t work, it can be a sign. If this is you, are you hard on yourself? Do you really like yourself and enjoy your own company? If not, that’s often due to negative internal dialogue. This means talking to yourself about yourself in a judgmental and critical way. This is usually a learned behavior. Growing up with someone in your environment that was critical of you, who expected more from you. Or observing someone insulting and condemning themselves. And you continued, as an adult, parenting yourself the same way.
Self-parenting is how we care for ourselves. Giving instructions to brush our teeth before bed no matter how tired we are. We also tell ourselves to eat our vegetables, or to say please and thank you. But, other levels of self-parenting are even more important. Like being emotionally kind and supportive. It is especially true when we think we are making mistakes, and are not tapping into our best version, for example.
Moreover, showing some grace and realizing that nothing needs to change about you is important. You don’t need to perfect anything, because you are already a perfect being. You can back off and allow yourself to positively acknowledge yourself. If you ever catch yourself disapproving, stop and say: “get out of that trance, that is not true, who you are is fine.” Practice letting go of internal dialogues that undermine you.
If a person becomes doubtful and belittles themselves, they need to give more love internally. It is the same with people that don’t like themselves very much. Those who don’t feel deserving of something means they need to learn how to love themselves more.
If you feel abandoned and rejected by your partner or spouse, the key is not to abandon yourself, especially when you are down. Your relationships depend on your ability to flip the script and start treating yourself with an immense amount of kindness and consideration.
One of the best ways to learn how to do this is to get a picture of yourself from childhood. See the little person in the photo as an adorable, precious, innocent child. Lock yourself in your room and talk to that picture telepathically. Ask these questions: Did you reincarnate for me to treat you like this, to be hard on you, to crack that whip so you do things right? Did you come here to have that kind of life? Chances are the young self-image is going to say to you telepathically “no I didn’t”. Ask the inner child via the picture: do I treat you well? And the answer will be something like “sometimes you do, but other times you don’t”.
Listen intuitively to the answers that your inner child gives you. This leads to a heartfelt apology for self-parenting in a harsh way, and committing to giving her or him a great life, always praising them, and never being critical. Be sure to only use a soft and patient tone of voice, as you would with any little child you care about deeply.
Put that picture in a frame and put it in your bedroom so that you always see it. This will serve as a reminder to let that little person inside of you hear your words of commitment to being a vessel of love, support, and encouragement. Tell the image how precious and special they are every day. This gets you into the habit of no longer complaining and instead giving yourself lots of praise. This is a powerful practice that will get you in touch with your heart. It will help you tap into unconditional self-love.
Instead of being afraid that you will end up all alone, you never feel alone, because you are your own source of comfort and approval. As you feel yourself leaving the fear of not being good enough, know that in another time, another place, a young version of you is experiencing what it’s like to feel loveable.
This is self-parenting at its best and what it means to truly love yourself, which is the greatest love of all.